I visited my dad tonight. I go straight from work so I can get in two hours together before it gets too late. He still remembers how to open Life360 on his phone, a holdover from when we tracked him driving only one short year ago. It was only to the store, my sisters house or the post office, which we labeled Papa's Favorite Place.
He reads off each person and where they are. We know it’s because he can’t remember which of us is with him right now, but it’s ok. We are all spitting images of each other, his two daughters and his two granddaughters, frozen in time.
"Look who’s at Papa’s Place! Stacey!" Yup it’s me Daddy. "Oh I know that honey. You’re so good to me." He was sad and tired when I got there, eating in his room instead of in the dining room because he was too tired. By the time I leave, he’s cracking jokes as we watch baseball together and he’s smiling. His skin is so soft, his tattoos still vibrant. He was so proud of all of them and used to show them off to the aides in assisted living, now he doesn’t even remember he has 14 of them. A Vietnam veteran Marine who sheepishly asks me when his wife died. Almost 17 years ago Daddy. "Oh. I loved her very much. How old was she?" She was 60. "Oh that’s too young. I’m 83." No Daddy, you’re 82 until June when it’s your birthday. Your math is right but not until after your birthday. I wrote it down for you. "Oh thank you sweetie. I used to be so smart." You’re always smart Daddy.
All the staff tell us how much they love him, he's so sweet and kind to everyone. Even if he doesn't remember who they are or why they're there. He claims he doesn't like to sit at the dining table with the rest of the guys, but as he approaches and Ron, a new resident, says hello and pulls out his seat, he smiles and says "there's my buddy!" Meals are sometimes the only time he will leave his room on the bad days.
I say goodbye and hold your face in my hands and say I love you and you say oh I love you so much honey. I walk outside and take a deep breath of the cool night air and at look at the night sky and wonder how we got here so fast...